Thinking of visiting Sheffield sometime soon? Yes? Well, you’d better do your homework before you come to this city or you could make some terrible faux pas.
The people of the steel city don’t offend easily, but if you say the wrong thing, you risk annoying the bejeebers out of them. Here are 19 guaranteed ways to do just that. (Not that you’d want to)
1. Dare to mention the L word
If you happen to be in the steel city, don’t you dare mention the dreaded L word. Leeds is the armpit of Yorkshire and the people here would really rather not talk about it. Sure, you might think that it’s the best place in the world, but frankly, you are deluded and should see someone about that. (Oh, and if you’re from Leeds, I’d keep that quiet too!)
2. Eat Lea and Perrins with your pie
So, you’ve just cooked yourself a tasty, meaty pie, what do you put on it? Lea and Perrins sauce, right? WRONG. If you are the type of person that thinks this type of despicable behaviour is okay, you’re not welcome here. In Sheffield, we only eat one type of brown sauce – Henderson’s Relish, got it?
3. Forget to make some yorkies on Sunday
While we’re on the subject of food, let’s have a quick chinwag about Sunday lunch, shall we? If you invite a Sheffielder (the super official term there) around to your home on a Sunday, you’d better not forget the yorkies. A roast ain’t a roast without some scrummy Yorkshire puds on the side.
4. Accuse them of being from Barnsley
Barnsley produces one type of person and one type of person alone – dingles. Please don’t accuse the good people of Sheffield of this terrible fate. They won’t like it. They won’t like you. You’ve been warned.
5. Forget to say please and thank you
Here in Sheffield, we’re pretty damn polite. It doesn’t matter whether something is our fault or not, we will probably say sorry anyhow. In the north of England, we’re kind of famous for our excellent manners. If you come to this city and forget them, the people of Sheffield will not take to you one bit. Now, what’s the magic word? #SorryNotSorry #ActuallySorry #PleaseThankYou
6. Disrespect the steel city god that is Sean Bean
“Um, I don’t know, I just don’t really get the big deal about Sean Bean…” Utter these words and you’ll be kicked out of the city. Sean Bean is an actual god. How very dare you?
7. Be a student (from either university)
While the students here love Sheffield (because, it’s awesome), the locals don’t take so kindly to their unwanted guests. Every September, a swarm of young, hopeful freshers take to the city to drink, be merry and generally get on everyone’s nerves. Ask any born and bred local and they will tell you how much these guys irritate the hell outta them.
Disclaimer: I was once a Sheffield student. Sorry.
8. Question the city’s musical heritage
Oh, you think your city has a wicked music heritage, eh? I’ll give you four great reasons our music scene beats yours to a bloody pulp: Arctic Monkeys, the Human League, Pulp and Richard Hawley. Enough said? No? Well, then how about Def Leppard, Little Man Tate, The Reverend and the Makers and 65DaysOfStatic, then? I think I’ve made my point.
9. Drink lager
The real ale scene in Sheffield is fantastic. Given that indisputable fact, why on earth would you opt for a pint of cold, fizzy chemicals? If you really want to annoy someone from Sheffield, order a Carling at the bar and watch their face. In a mere moment, you will see any drip of respect they once had for you disappear. Lager drinkers are almost worse than Leeds folk. (Hey, I said almost!)
10. Eat chips without gravy
Chippy chips are one of the finest cuisines in these here parts. With their fatty, juicy goodness, you need just one thing -thick, delicious gravy. If you’re the kind of person who eats chips with just salt and vinegar, you can jog on. (Let’s not even mention people who eat chips with red sauce – eww.)
11. Say Manchester is worth visiting
“Oh, you know where you should go next weekend? Manchester! There are loads of great things to do there. It’s a real buzzing city” said no one, ever in Sheffield. Yes, steel city dwellers know all about the city across the pennines, but that doesn’t mean that they want to go there. The overrated mess of city does little to appeal to the people of Sheffield, and that’s okay. “Oh, but it has a Tiger Tiger too!” Er, no.
12. Hate the outdoors
One of the best things about Sheffield is that there are so many exciting things to do outside here. From climbing to rambling, you’re sure to find something that you just love. Hence, when any moron comes around telling Sheffield people that they’re just not that interested in the great outdoors, they are immediately thrown out of the city.
13. Moan about the hills
The hills may be a bit of a trial at times, but they are what makes this city so unique. When people first come here, they often like to have a wee moan about the hills. Well, no one cares about your aching thigh muscles. Here in Sheffield, we have some of the finest city views you will ever see.
14. Drink PG Tips
There’s nothing like a good cup of tea… so long as it’s Yorkshire Tea. If you happen to drink any other brand, you’d better keep your mouth shut. It’s not that Sheffielders think other tea brands taste bad, it’s that they actually do.
15. Claim to have the oldest football club
There are some cities out there (don’t worry, I won’t be naming names) that think they have the oldest football club in England. Come here and start spouting that rubbish, though, and your BS will not be well received. Everyone with half a brain cell knows that Sheffield FC is the oldest and most historic club in he country.
16. Mention the Iron Lady
The hatred for Margaret Thatcher runs deep in these parts, and with excellent reason. In the mid-eighties around 10,000 miners went on strike against the Iron Lady’s plans to close down their mines. Their efforts were fruitless, though, and hundreds of thousands of workers lost their jobs. Sheffield (and other Northern cities) are just about getting back on their feet after years of mass unemployment and poverty. So, for now, let’s just not mention that lady’s name, eh?
17. Support Leeds United
Every football fan in the UK hates Leeds United. Why? Because they are scumbags, of course! Don’t tell anyone from Sheffield (or just anyone at all) that you support this foul football club. It won’t win you any brownie points.
18. Be from the south
“Is that a hint of southerness I detect in your accent? If so, could you please remove yourself from my vicinity before I vomit on you? Thank you, please.” That’s what everyone here wants to say to snooty southerners, but we’re too damn polite.
19. Fail to realise that Sheffield is awesome
It is shocking (and, frankly, troubling) how many people disregard Sheffield completely. This cultural and vibrant city has so many interesting quirks, that you’re bound to fall head over heels for it. I mean, I know I have.
Main image: Flickr / CC