If you think it seems we have some sort of vendetta against Cosmopolitan, you may be right.
We don’t really. But this is the third article where we take issue with some of the very odd relationship advice they have given to their readers. Others included some particularly ridiculous advice on how to make a man fall in love with you and some fairly harsh signs of being in an unhealthy relationship.
It’s obviously not Cosmo alone. There’s a massive number of ill-informed online agony aunts these days, and it can be really damaging. Think back to when we didn’t have web and we couldn’t constantly compare ourselves to celebrities, and Google things like “is my boyfriend cheating on me.” Life was probably a lot easier.
Basically, our thoughts are that if you are Googling that particular question, then we’re afraid he might well be playing away. But certainly don’t listen to these ridiculous ‘signs’.
If you think he is, ask him. Otherwise, he’s probably just watching porn…
Here are Cosmo’s 15 sign’s he might be cheating, with our responses below.
1. He takes his phone with him every time he goes to the bathroom
Here’s the fact of the matter: 75% of humans use their phones on the toilet. It’s disgusting but true. So actually, your boyfriend might just be addicted to Words With Friends, or whatever the kids are playing these days.
2. You barely spend time with his friends
Sorry to be the one to break it to you but you might want to try Googling “signs my boyfriend’s friends don’t like me” instead. Agreed, this isn’t indicative of a massively healthy relationship but who are we to judge? And it hardly means he’s cheating on you.
3. He puts off spending time with your family and friends
4. He loses track of details or gets things wrong
If your boyfriend starts calling you by another woman’s name then, yes, perhaps there’s cause to be suspicious. But being forgetful and ‘losing track of details’ doesn’t make you a cheater. Just look at Dory. Does she look like a cheater to you? Exactly.
5. He’s very secretive about money and budgeting
Think about Walter White and Skyler. She thought he was cheating. Turns out he was running a multi-million pound meth lab. Your boyfriend might be a drug dealer. Just saying.
No, but seriously. If you’re married then perhaps you would expect all your finances to be open and shared but that seems like really outdated advice to us.
6. He picks fights with you
“The Love Coach TJ Gibbs explains: “His accusations that you’re jealous and/or crazy [are a sign]. Attack is a cheater’s best form of defence. These are classic ploys for making you doubt yourself. Unless you are a habitually jealous person.”
If your boyfriend keeps picking fights with you, he might not want to go out with you any more. That much could be true. But it doesn’t mean he’s cheating. Or maybe he’s having a hard time at work? Feeling unhappy? Talk to the guy.
7. He has more work responsibilities and suddenly has to stay late a lot
Erm, maybe he has more work responsibilities and has to stay late a lot? But seriously.
8. He absolutely FREAKS OUT when you pick up his phone
We will agree that this isn’t a great sign. It really isn’t. But maybe he’s just been watching porn on his phone? That’s more probable. Scientifically speaking. And you can’t argue with science.
9. He becomes less affectionate
Don’t judge anyone or their lack of love for a PDA. We’re with them on that. Maybe he’s just not feeling particularly affectionate. Or again, maybe he just isn’t happy in your relationship. Sorry.
10. And also doesn’t want to have sex as much
The article helpfully adds: “because he’s getting his fill elsewhere”.
We would like to put it to you that he’s maybe just a bit tired from all those extra hours he’s been working? And all the porn he’s been watching. On the toilet.
Seriously though, people are tired and feel like having sex a bit less as time goes on. Don’t panic.
11. He gives you guilt-gifts
How do you know what a guilt gift is? Surely if he’s presumably giving you a gift because he’s so guilty about cheating, he won’t be telling you that he’s guilty. And you won’t know that he’s feeling guilty. Because if you did, you would know that he’s cheating on you.
So, what we’re saying is maybe he’s just giving you a gift-gift. Ever think of that?
12. His mood swings become more severe
This is actually far more likely to be a sign that he’s suffering from some sort of mental health issue, or just feeling generally unhappy than having an affair. It really is. Maybe ask him if he’s OK rather than Googling articles about him cheating on you.
13. He begins to care much more about his appearance
Unless he’s gone from Homer Simpson to Patrick Bateman overnight, this isn’t necessarily a sign he’s making an effort for someone else. Let’s all have a bit of self belief here. Maybe your boyfriend wants to make more of an effort on his appearance for YOU.
14. He lies about unnecessary things
This isn’t good. Agreed.
Although Cosmo says: “‘No that’s not another woman’s perfume’ easily becomes ‘Yes I called my mother’ and ‘I promise I only had one pint at the pub'”.
We say, who cares if he called his mother? The other woman’s perfume thing. That’s a bit of an issue…
15. Your gut is telling you that he’s cheating on you
Look, the bottom line is – some of these signs aren’t great indicators that your relationship is in a good place but they absolutely don’t mean you are being cheated on.
This point however, finally speaks some sense.Trust your gut.