5 things Morrissey would definitely do as London Mayor

There’s rarely a quiet week in the world of Morrissey, is there?

Not long after getting into a war of words with fashion brand Supreme over an unflattering photograph, the outspoken singer has now hinted that he could be throwing his hat (or possibly his back-pocket gladioli) into the ring for Mayor of London.

According to a post on fan site True To You, Moz had been invited to join political group the Animal Welfare Party as their Mayoral Candidate for London.

They have described themselves on Twitter as “a party for people, animals & the environment. Dedicated representatives for animals at all levels of government.”

Morrissey would need 330 signatures to enter the race (an extremely achievable number) and is said to be “considering the contest very seriously”.

If The Smiths frontman did join the Mayoral election, set for May 5, it could make for some interesting debates.

In the post discussing his thoughts on the bid, Mozza managed to brand Jamie Oliver an “animal serial killer” and deemed abattoirs the “modern continuation of the Nazi concentration camp”. And you thought Trump was a loose cannon…

In celebration of his ticker-tape parade this May, we’ve put together some policies we could imagine London Mayor Morrissey enforcing on the Capital.

(If you’re reading this, Moz, and you’re looking for a spin doctor – get in touch).

All McDonald’s outlets to be bulldozed

Seriously, if you’re a fast food fanatic it would best to start stashing away your Chicken Legends now – because Moz isn’t messing about when it comes to Maccy D’s. The vegetarian singer has previously been quoted as saying:

“Everything went downhill from the moment the McDonald’s chain was given license to invade England – don’t laugh I’m serious. To me it was like the outbreak of war and I couldn’t understand why English troops weren’t retaliating.”

Ba Da Ba Ba Bah, he’s lovin’ it…

Andy Rourke and Mike Joyce to be banned from London

There’s no love lost between Morrissey and his former bandmates. The Smiths drummer and bassist would be electronically tagged, with an alarm setting off as soon as they set foot in Enfield, Barnet or any Outer London boroughs – where a gang of Morrissey fans on push-bikes would descend to escort them out of the city limits.

Johnny Marr would be spared for writing all those beautiful melodies.

Affordable housing for animals

Morrissey and the Animal Welfare Party aren’t kidding around when it comes to rights for all creatures great and small.

We want to see tower blocks for turtles, bungalows for budgies, studio flats for salamanders.

Oscar Wilde’s birthday to become city-wide holiday

Oscar Wilde

It’s not all doom and gloom under the Moz regime – London would be granted a day to celebrate the birth of Morrissey’s literary hero Oscar Wilde.

However, official rules will state that the day has to be spent quietly reading The Importance of Being Earnest.

Free coiffing for all Londoners

Although North Korkea’s Kim Jong Un has already beaten him to it, we’d love to see Morrissey offering free quiffs for all the men, women and children of Croydon and Hackney – shaping a city in his own wondrous image.

Best of luck, Moz.


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Main image: Getty