2016 really is turning out to be the year of the underdog. First Leonardo DiCaprio wins an Oscar, then Leicester City win the Premier League, and now the masterminds behind the indestructible 3310, Nokia, have brought themselves back into the mobile phone market.
Yes, kids, long before the days of touch screens and Siri, we had to actually top-up with credit, and our phones couldn’t even run the Angry Birds menu, let alone the whole game.
It was a simpler, more innocent time. Here are seven reasons why we miss our old-school phones.
1. Their indestructible nature
The Nokia 3310 wasn’t completely indestructible, and what you thought was a titan of structure, a symbol of engineering evolution, the bedrock of mobile technology, was actually just another plastic phone.
But, as plastic phones go, it was the type that can actually withstand falling half a foot onto carpet, and not the kind that shatter into a million pieces, voiding the warranty, if anyone with adult sized hands tries to pick it up. Who hasn’t cracked a smartphone on a regular basis?
2.The cool cases
— Ronald Jurado (@iamronaldjurado) April 1, 2016
Nowadays, phone cases have to include a built-in bottle opener, spare pockets, a card wallet, and the best part of a Swiss army knife before anyone really considers picking it up.
But back in the day, having a funky phone case on your Nokia 3310 made you the bee’s knees, especially if you were young enough to stroll into school or university and casually flash it about, feeling like the Wolf of Wall Street or something.
3. Complete security
— techradar (@techradar) May 18, 2016
Because Apple can put as many internal loop holes into their system as they want, when it really comes down to it, the only way to be completely sure that nobody is going to steal your phone is to have a phone that nobody could possibly want to steal.
No passwords, no firewalls, and no ‘track my Nokia’, because if anyone accidentally takes this from you, they’ll probably bring it back as soon as they realised that they can’t access Cloud Storage via the ‘settings’.
4. Peace of mind
— Sãrujan (@sarujanrg) May 15, 2016
You can be absolutely sure that your new Nokia 3310 isn’t going to get swiped in a dodgy bar, but can you be absolutely sure that you’re not going to unwittingly drop it in the street?
No, you can’t, but you can be sure that you’ll notice it.
The weight difference alone would immediately alert you to the phone’s absence, and if you’re still having trouble locating your Nokia, follow the earth tremors.
Mesmerising to say the least, Snake was most people’s first journey into mobile gaming, and what a trip it was.
It’s an absolutely classic mobile game, and although updated versions undoubtedly reign supreme when it comes to visual representation, there’s something about a simplistic game of Snake that modern imitations just can’t replicate.
Touch screens aren’t as reliable at buttons, let’s face it.
6. The groovy ringtones
Have you ever been on a bus, when an embarrassing ringtone starts going off, and everyone’s thinking: ‘Oh my God, how embarrassing. I would be so embarrassed if my ringtone was Rick Astley’s ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’, and it went off on a bus’, and then you realise that that’s your ringtone, and want to die inside?
Well, these situations weren’t an issue back in the day, because our phones only had a selection of basic 8-bit groove busters to help us proudly separate our tone from everyone else’s.
7. The absence of notifications
£149 isn’t cheap, even by today’s standards, but at least with Nokia’s retro mobiles you didn’t have to reject a hundred Facebook notifications a day, every day, until the day you die.
“Joe Coolkid has invited you to like the page”. Just stop already!
I’ll be trading in my iPhone 5 for a “brick” any day.
Main image: YouTube