It’s brightly coloured spandex and schlocky kung fu moves time, because as hard as this is to believe, the Power Rangers remake/reboot is well under way.
In fact, Breaking Bad’s Bryan Cranston reckons the franchise is taking a darkish turn, similar to the ‘adult-ification’ of Batman under Christopher Nolan.
You’re probably thinking “how can camp karate be dark and brooding?”, and although we can’t answer your conundrum just yet, we’ve given it our best shot.
Hey, we’re not saying that the original bad guys in ’90s childhood classic Power Rangers looked bad or anything (who really knows what aliens look like anyway?), but if they’re going to go super-dark with the re-imagining, they might as well give the antagonists a revamp.
Let’s ditch the Egyptian gorillas and have some less polystyrene-looking villains take centre stage, please.
Scathing pre-battle banter
The original Rangers sure had their menacing war cries figured out, evidenced by this ACTUAL quote from the series.
And call us nitpicky, but we reckon the reboot can do even better in the pre-battle banter department.
“We’re here to toss your salad” doesn’t exactly instil a sense of terror, if we’re being honest.
If we were about to charge into a horde of mischievous alien wrong-doers with nothing but a thin Lycra garment to protect us, we’d definitely take a stick or something.
We don’t know what the rule is in Power Ranger world, but half of the time they’re allowed weapons and half of the time they’re apparently forbidden.
Simplify the system and just give each Ranger a broadsword or something.
Intense Zord battles
One of the most memorable recurring scenes in the show was when all of the Rangers called in a favour from their enormous robot buddy, and part time alien destroyer, the Zord (and all versions of it).
Sadly, the combat between the titanic Zord and its opposition looked like two children squabbling over which is the toughest Power Ranger (see what we did there?), but with today’s typical budgets, we’re hoping some impressive clashes.
Think Pacific Rim with more fluorescent adolescents.
Zordon’s secret meth business
It’s only a matter of time before the Power Rangers come back from a mission early to collect their praises from mysterious master Zordon, only to find him in the back with Alpha 5 (Zordon’s robotic assistant who’s begging to be voiced by Aaron Paul) brewing up some crystal.
Wake up world, where has Zordon acquired all his money from? Funding a group of havoc-loving teenagers can’t be cheap, and has anyone else noticed his fascination with crystals?
Yeah, they cast Cranston because guess what: the Power Rangers show is all one big metaphor for a Crystal Meth trip, and Zordon is the supplier. Myth officially busted.