Sometimes a film is so bad that the very foundations of conventional logic collapse in upon themselves, and it somehow becomes a work of genius.
That’s why all this week on WOW we’re running a special series of articles paying tribute to the lure of so-bad-it’s-good, with our all-singing all-dancing Bad Movie Week.
The following movies are terrible, cringe-inducing disasters that were made without irony or cynicism – but ended up being weirdly awesome due to their unintentionally entertaining awfulness.
So grab a few drinks, crack out the popcorn, and sit down to watch with a few friends. We promise you’ll have the time of your lives with these cinematic car-crashes.
Packed full of ludicrous dialogue, awkward cut-aways and a climactic fight where the lead actor struggles to keep his dodgy wig on, this gloriously terrible buddy cop/martial arts movie feels like it was made-up entirely of outtakes.
So unwittingly hapless we dubbed it the best bad action movie ever made, if you want to see a vehicle stall during a chase scene, actors visibly fluffing their lines and the world’s campest waiter, hop aboard this shambolic low-budget answer to Lethal Weapon.
Hard Ticket To Hawaii
Deadly frisbees and killer mutant snakes are just two of the crucial ingredients in a cheesy, OTT crime flick that’s ostensibly about two female agents taking down an evil drug lord, but is really just an excuse to ogle women in bikinis and cram in as much preposterous action as possible.
Just watch out for the amazing scene involving the following three things: an assassin skateboarding on his hands, a blow-up sex doll, and a bazooka.
A delightfully rubbish amalgamation of Robocop and Terminator, this is the story of one android police officer’s bloody rampage after he is ill-advisedly activated early – leading to awkward showdowns with buck-toothed fast food workers, and a climactic fight scene which takes place right at the back of a fix-angled shot.
Bonus points are awarded for the muscle-bound martial arts expert scientist lady, who appears to have the world’s worst haircut and fashion sense.
What was conceived by writer, director and star Tommy Wiseau as an intense, powerful melodrama, is in fact an unintentionally brilliant comedy so bizarre that the cast look every bit as bemused as you’ll be.
Wiseau’s own weird acting and strange line delivery is just the tip of the iceberg, as cringe-inducing sex scenes, major sub-plots that go nowhere and a random habit of football throwing in tuxedos plague a production since dubbed “the Citizen Kane of bad movies”.
Perhaps the only horror film in existence revolving around vegetarian goblins who want to turn an innocent bunch of people into plants so they can eat them, ‘baffling’ doesn’t quite do justice to this nonsensical pile of weird.
Primarily acted out by completely amateur actors – including a local dentist and psychiatric patient on day release – highlights include a now infamous exclamation of “Oh my Gooooooooood!”, and a scene where a boy urinates on his family’s cursed food, to the fury of his father (“You don’t piss on hospitality!”).
Notorious mainly for its horrific ‘special effects’, which are little more than poorly animated jpegs of birds pasted into shot, this tale of an avian apocalypse is also noteworthy for the mind-numbing time spent getting to know its protagonist.
We understand that character-building is important, but watching the hero fill up his car with petrol, going to work, and eating uneventful meals is not exactly our idea of a good time. Alfred Hitchcock can certainly rest easy.
Featuring a jaw-dropping finale where a bad guy gets beaten to death with his own severed arm, this is what happens when you’re an evil man-hunting organisation that unwittingly places a former special ops soldier in your human blood sports activity day in the woods.
Somebody saw Rambo and clearly thought they could do better. They were wrong.
Eliminator (aka Blood Debts)
Like many of the examples on this list, here’s another misguided attempt to cash-in on a popular success – in this case gritty revenge thrillers like Death Wish.
Meet Mark – a Vietnam vet who goes on a viglante rampage after his daughter is killed by a gang of vicious thugs. Among many ‘highlights’ is an amazing closing shot involving a rocket being fired out of the world’s smallest pistol. Boom!
Dark Night Of The Scarecrow
There have been many powerful, thought-provoking portrayals of bigotry in Deep South small town America. This isn’t one of them.
After blasting a mentally handicapped man to pieces while he’s disguised as a scarecrow, a rag-tag bunch of evil rednecks are subsequently killed off in a series of increasingly bizarre agricultural accidents. One of the dimwits is literally called ‘Skeeter’ – and for some reason the biggest, baddest villain of them all is a murderous, gun-toting postman. Watching him riding round on his mail van assembling his posse is beautifully surreal.
Video game adaptations have generally fared about as well as a bacon-covered gazelle in a cage of lions, and the mid ’90s attempt to convert the classic arcade beat ’em up to the big screen is no exception.
Wooden exchanges, a bizarre plot, and Kylie Minogue attempting to look convincing as a badass, kung-fu super soldier all play their part. Thank God for the late, great Raul Julia as arch nemesis Bison – who delivers one of the finest scenery-chewing villain performances of all time.
Starring Olympic medal winner Kurt Thomas as a man who has turned his knack for gymnastics into a deadly martial art, this fantastically stupid sporting answer to Enter The Dragon serves up oodles of unintentional visual comedy.
Recruited by spies to infiltrate a mysterious athletics contest in a rogue totalitarian state, Thomas swings round handily placed poles and pommel horses in order to beat up hordes of generic crazed, pitchfork-wielding peasants.
Nick Fury: Agent Of S.H.I.E.L.D
Years before Marvel’s movie machine kicked into record-smashing gear, and The Avengers became a by-word for box office gold, a certain comic book character got his first feature film appearance – played by David Hasselhoff.
As cheesy as anything The Hoff has ever done, naff special effects and hammy over-acting make this an early superhero nightmare to savour.