9 things we want to see in the David Brent movie
David Brent movie

It’s probably the worst kept secret in the history of cinema, but Ricky Gervais is currently making a movie based on the exploits of his widely successful character from The Office, David Brent.

The film, Life On The Road, chronicles the hapless Brent’s attempts to make it big as a music star, and started shooting just last week. So if you thought you’d finally seen the back of Brent after the ‘Equality Street’ music video, you were wrong.

Irrepressible comedian Gervais has been spotted filming in London, so what better time than now to review our David Brent movie wishlists?

Here are all the cringey moments, musical medleys, and guest appearances we want to see in Brent’s newest adventure.

1. An attempt at rapping

Although he dabbled with rap in the Doc Brown-featuring ‘Equality Street’, I think most of us would agree we wan to see a full-blown David Brent hip-hop outburst here.

Seeing the character rapping – complete with snapback and gold chain – would be the cringeiest thing ever to be shown on the big screen. We’re getting shivers down our spines just thinking about it.

2. Gareth’s life story

Gareth

Sure he had his flaws, what with being obsessed with the military and being a complete social misfit and all. But Gareth was an absolute hero of comedy in the original show. And what we need, as loving viewers, is a catch up with the TA legend.

What has he been up to? Has he found himself a girl? What astronomically high rank has he inevitably attained in the Army Reserves, or has Tim finally pushed over the edge into insanity with his rapid-fire pranks? We’d love to find out.

3. A duet with Bono

If you don't know me by now

Brent’s reputation in the music industry will have surely sky-rocketed after he self-funded the release of his own ‘If You Don’t Know Me By Now’ cover, and Ricky Gervais obviously has a knack for bagging some serious celebrity names for his productions. See where we’re going with this?

It’d be such a David Brent thing to do – to somehow wangle a duet with Bono in aid of some kind of charity business. “Come on Bono, it’s for the kids”, we’re sure he’ll plead down the phone, as he dreams of the success that will follow.

4. A ‘Free Love Freeway’ remix

It’s been too long since we heard the catchy but admittedly jarring lyrics of Brent’s flagship song ‘Free Love Freeway’, where the love is free and the freeway’s long.

We think it’s about time to resurrect this tune by adding some crazy electro backbeat. Because what The Office formula needs is a little bit of ear-drum assault and strobe lighting to really accentuate its awkward hilarity. Sod it, just stick Brent in a 90s style rave, and film from afar.

5. More cringey dates

Brent date

As heart-breaking as it is to see the ultimately heart-of-gold manager fail in terms of romantic attachment, it’s always been hilarious.

None more so than his awful date with the woman in the pub, in which he makes it perfectly clear that he has no interest in seeing his one day only counter-part again – albeit kind of accidentally. Honourable mention for ‘worst Brent romantics’ goes to the the Austin Powers blind date, which is positively brilliant. Any woman who turns down a man in a frilly suit needs her priorities sorting out.

6. Karl Pilkington’s little head

Karl Pilkington

As Ricky has so proudly exclaimed on about 1,000 occasions, Karl’s head is rounder than the average cranium – not that that’s a bad thing. If we ever need someone to dress up as a football, we know who we’re going to.

Nowadays, he’s about as famous as Gervais himself, so it’d be wonderful to see an appearance in the new movie, despite his seemingly never-ending trip around the world. Go on Rick, force him into it. We know it’s well within your power to convince Karl, against his better nature, to spend a lengthy amount of time with you. We’ve heard all the XFM shows…

7. A Stephen Merchant cameo

Steve Hello Ladies

Although Merchant is, likely as not, bathing in the California shine, and conjuring up a new series of the hard-done-by sitcom Hello Ladies, we’re sure that his long time friendship with Ricky will lure him into the reel, should it be necessary.

It’s always been Merchant’s fear, as he recalls in his 2011 stand-up show, that he is constantly seen as Ricky’s second fiddle, but anyone who knows anything about comedy fully understand Steve’s role. He’s not just the ‘Ogg Monster’ anymore. Having said that, it might be nice to get Steve’s cameo playing skills back into the operation. You know, because he’s brilliant. For further proof, see his portrayal as Darren Lamb in Extras.

8. Horrible fashion sense

Brent leather coat

Let’s be honest. As much as we love David Brent, he has some questionable outfits to his name – this brown leather jacket to name just one. It was the early naughties, we suppose. But what will his ghastly dress-sense be like now that he has founded a band? Will he draw lightning bolts across his face like Bowie, stretch his tongue like Simmons, or wear his normal clothes like Gallagher? There’s so much scope for wackiness, and we just can’t wait.

Let’s hope Brent’s musical style doesn’t mirror that of the young Gervais himself. Oh, you’ve never seen the pictures of a young Ricky Gervais when he was in a band called The Sacred Hearts? We implore you to google that.

9. More ‘inspirational’ quotes

Brent wink

There’s wisdom in those eyes, as veteran viewers will know. Oh yes, David Brent is much more than just a business manager. He’s a philosopher, wordsmith and a motivator.

Some of our favourite soundbites include: “next stop drunkenness”, “a postage stamp is legal tender, a bus driver would have to accept that as currency” and “my dad’s not dead, but he’s in a home, so it’s as good as.” The world can never have too much Brent-inspired ‘inspiration’. Of course, he did have one truly heart-warming moment…