A pub crawl in Glasgow is never a straight-forward affair.
The huge range of signature Glasgow cocktails means that mixing your drinks is unavoidable, and the handy subway means you usually end up hopping around much more than you would in other cities. Leading to all sorts of strange situations…
And that’s not to mention the added of joy of the Glesga’ banter and the abundance of buskers (who are all probably singing ‘Wonderwall’).
Here are 19 things* that are guaranteed to happen on a Glasgow pub crawl…
*Probably not all on the same night, unless you are some sort of super hero.
1. You start off the night somewhere classy…
Cocktails in Booly Mardys, civilised pints in the Finnieston or gin galore at Gin 71, everyone is full of good intentions at the start of the night.
2. …but it soon deteriorates to £1 shots in Nicos
Or somewhere similarly awful. And by awful, we mean great. Who can say no to £1 shots?
3. You end up engulfed in a crowd of ‘pub golfers’ on the way to the West End…
Or Oompa Loompas.
Even when you’re not taking part in a sub crawl, you still need to get around the city and unfortunately for anyone not taking part, this means putting up with the crowds of students dressed up as golfers, Super Mario Brothers or OAPs.
4. You’ll probably drink ‘punch’ out of a gramophone in Hillhead Bookclub
Who knows what’s actually in that ‘punch’, or why it costs almost 20 quid. If it’s in a gramophone, it’s a drunk man’s dream.
5. Or maybe a tea pot if you’re feeling super fancy
You are so quirky right now.
6. An overdose of milk at Sleazy’s…
What’s not to love about £3 White Russians at Sleazys? Nobody. But you will live to regret it. Several pints of milk followed by multiple Jäegrbombs does not mix well. Mark our words.
7. And get a sweat on in Jinty McGintys
This charming wee pub becomes an absolute sweat box on a Friday and Saturday night. Live music and a jam packed bar usually results in unreasonable amounts of perspiration.
8. You end up part of crowd dancing to a busker playing Oasis in Ashton Lane
Always Oasis. Usually Wonderwall. Mostly cringeworthy.
9. Deep chats in the toilets
It’s not a Glasgow night out if someone doesn’t cry. And then telly you much they love you. And then confess a really deep, dark secret that you can never unhear, no matter how much you try.
10. You probably swap numbers with new best friend for life who you met in Blue Lagoon
Either that or you’ll get in a horrendous fight with someone who tries to steal your sausage supper. These things can go either way.
11. Accidentally accept the surcharge on Uber….
#TacoRule: Letting it rip in the back seat is the best revenge when Uber overcharges you. Happy new year to you too! #tacomadness #tacotrio #uws #tacoboutit #foodie #nycfoodie #eeeeeats #phaat #newyorkeats #eatingforinsta #instataco #delicious #infatuation #hungrybetches #bigapplebites #itsfriday #welcometotheweekend #uber #ubersurcharge #newyearseve #nye2016
It happens to the best of us. Beware drunken Uber-ers.
12. You drink at least one Brew Dog
Or failing that, a pint of West. It’s unavoidable.
13. You become embroiled in some Brazilian samba
From the outside Boteco Do Brasil looks like your average ‘themed’ bar. Inside, you soon realise that it is nothing of the sort.
14. And probably catch at least one round of a Sir James pub quiz
Whether you like it or not.
15. You invest in lollipops from the toilet attendant in Fubar
And then convince yourself that you look like Beyonce, sucking on them in between drinks.
16. The Sauchiehall Street Pastors will offer you a blanket/shoes/water at some point
These are nothing to be ashamed of. Flip Flops save lives. If you get to the stage where they are feeding you water as you slump over a bin, well, you can be a bit ashamed.
17. You end up in a rubbish club
What began as a pub crawl soon descends into a full blown night out. And after hours on end of solid boozing, the only places that will let you in are The Garage or Viper. Bad times.
18. And then there is the inevitable 3am pit stop to the Noodle Bar
Where you will usually witness at least three fights and eat what is definitely NOT chicken Kung Po.
19. Failing that, there’s always the casino…
Although let’s face it, it’s less Las Vegas and more Las’ Man Standing. Which is often not a good thing. Everyone has gone home. Time for bed.
Liked this? Try these:
Main image: Andy / Flickr / CC