19 things that always happen on a Glasgow pub crawl
Glasgow Charing Cross

A pub crawl in Glasgow is never a straight-forward affair.

The huge range of signature Glasgow cocktails means that mixing your drinks is unavoidable, and the handy subway means you usually end up hopping around much more than you would in other cities. Leading to all sorts of strange situations…

And that’s not to mention the added of joy of the Glesga’ banter and the abundance of buskers (who are all probably singing ‘Wonderwall’).

Here are 19 things* that are guaranteed to happen on a Glasgow pub crawl…

*Probably not all on the same night, unless you are some sort of super hero.

1. You start off the night somewhere classy…

Cocktails in Booly Mardys, civilised pints in the Finnieston or gin galore at Gin 71, everyone is full of good intentions at the start of the night.

2. …but it soon deteriorates to £1 shots in Nicos


Or somewhere similarly awful. And by awful, we mean great. Who can say no to £1 shots?

3. You end up engulfed in a crowd of ‘pub golfers’ on the way to the West End…

One of the best days of the year, #subcrawl #glasgow

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Or Oompa Loompas.

Even when you’re not taking part in a sub crawl, you still need to get around the city and unfortunately for anyone not taking part, this means putting up with the crowds of students dressed up as golfers, Super Mario Brothers or OAPs.

10 of the best places to start a night out in Glasgow

4. You’ll probably drink ‘punch’ out of a gramophone in Hillhead Bookclub

Who knows what’s actually in that ‘punch’, or why it costs almost 20 quid. If it’s in a gramophone, it’s a drunk man’s dream.

5. Or maybe a tea pot if you’re feeling super fancy

#bookclubpunch #saturdayz

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You are so quirky right now.

6. An overdose of milk at Sleazy’s…

White Russian 😋

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What’s not to love about £3 White Russians at Sleazys? Nobody. But you will live to regret it. Several pints of milk followed by multiple Jäegrbombs does not mix well. Mark our words.

7. And get a sweat on in Jinty McGintys

This charming wee pub becomes an absolute sweat box on a Friday and Saturday night. Live music and a jam packed bar usually results in unreasonable amounts of perspiration.

8. You end up part of  crowd dancing to a busker playing Oasis in Ashton Lane

dancing sister act

Always Oasis. Usually Wonderwall. Mostly cringeworthy.

9. Deep chats in the toilets


It’s not a Glasgow night out if someone doesn’t cry. And then telly you much they love you. And then confess a really deep, dark secret that you can never unhear, no matter how much you try.

10. You probably swap numbers with new best friend for life who you met in Blue Lagoon

Either that or you’ll get in a horrendous fight with someone who tries to steal your sausage supper. These things can go either way.

11. Accidentally accept the surcharge on Uber….

It happens to the best of us. Beware drunken Uber-ers.

12. You drink at least one Brew Dog

It's nippy out there! Dark beer weather for sure, check out some of these awesome delights! #beer #craftbecraftbeer #stouts

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Or failing that, a pint of West. It’s unavoidable.

13. You become embroiled in some Brazilian samba

@botecodobrasil @boteco_edinburgh #carnaval2015 #Friday get your ticket now for Glasgow or Edinburgh www.botecodobrasil.com

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From the outside Boteco Do Brasil looks like your average ‘themed’ bar. Inside, you soon realise that it is nothing of the sort.

14. And probably catch at least one round of a Sir James pub quiz

Whether you like it or not.

15. You invest in lollipops from the toilet attendant in Fubar


And then convince yourself that you look like Beyonce, sucking on them in between drinks.

16. The Sauchiehall Street Pastors will offer you a blanket/shoes/water at some point

These are nothing to be ashamed of. Flip Flops save lives. If you get to the stage where they are feeding you water as you slump over a bin, well, you can be a bit ashamed.

17. You end up in a rubbish club

What began as a pub crawl soon descends into a full blown night out. And after hours on end of solid boozing, the only places that will let you in are The Garage or Viper. Bad times.

18. And then there is the inevitable 3am pit stop to the Noodle Bar

Where you will usually witness at least three fights and eat what is definitely NOT chicken Kung Po.

19. Failing that, there’s always the casino…


Although let’s face it, it’s less Las Vegas and more Las’ Man Standing. Which is often not a good thing. Everyone has gone home. Time for bed.

Tell us your pub crawl woes on Facebook or Twitter.

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Main image: Andy / Flickr / CC