England’s had quite a few capitals in its time, Winchester, Tamworth, Colchester, Oxford, I mean, even Gainsborough was in charge for the best part of 40 days. (Good old King Sweyn Forkbeard).
If this talk of a ‘Northern Powerhouse’ is true then you need a northern capital, or at least to put the national one on rotation. MPs will be forced to move out of Parliament for renovation soon anyway. Why not move them to Yorkshire?
Here’s 17 things that would happen if Leeds became capital.
1. Brian Blessed would be speaker of the house
Ahhhh how awesome!!! 'I wont be restricted. Dont let the Bastards grind you down!!' Directly from Brian Blesseds mouth to you!!! |Coldplay – 'Adventure of a Lifetime'| #brianblessed #iambrian #russellhowardsgoodnews #goodnews #russelhoward #thereisnoonelikeyou #dontletthebastardsgrindyoudown #bbc #dontlaydown #coldplay #adventureofalifetime #brian #blessed #standup
First things first, if we’ve got the parliament up here, we can have a new speaker of the house. Inevitably, and sometimes unfortunately, when Brian speaks, people listed. If he’s not shouting at MPs, we can at least get Mexborough legend Brian Blessed to do all the announcements on the new HS3.
2. We can fight the hipster consensus
Now that East Leeds, not East London, is the centre of the known universe you can stick all your pulled pork and pull-able beards. This beauty is courtesy of the Smokehouse in the new ‘home county’ of Wakefield.
3. We could finally expand our boundaries
— Murf (@RobertRobmurphy) May 13, 2015
All this talk of a ‘Greater Scotland’ is all well and good, as long as it’s called ‘Greater Yorkshire’ then I’m sure we’ll be on board.
4. Speaking of which, we’ll be taking these back an’ all…
— mike loseby (@mike_loseby) December 10, 2015
From a Parliamentary HQ now in Leeds, it won’t take long to get back what is rightfully ours. There are some quite serious constituency boundary changes proposed in the London Parliament at the moment, if we were in control, expect Sedbergh, Barnoldswick and Bowland to be back in the fold. Watch yourself Middlesbrough.
5. An affordable capital?
And I'm thinking to myself, at what point does living in London just stop being worth it?
— Corin Faife (@corintxt) March 14, 2016
Well Corin, the second we become capital, that’s when. They’ll be no need for a creative brain drain from London to Berlin and God know’s where, if you can actually afford to live in the capital in the first place. Yorkshire, rebalancing Britain for the better.
6. We can bring back capital punishment, but only for serious offences
— Kirsty Burrowes (@KirstyBurrowes) October 27, 2013
Should be illegal? No fear, with Leeds in charge, it soon will be. Hangin’s too good for ’em.
7. Britain will be ahead of the pack on equality
— Capo Velo (@CapoVelo) March 23, 2016
The gender pay gap in sport debate has been heating up in horrendous fashion lately. Unless you’re one of the Flintstones then you’ll be happy to see Yorkshire sticking it to the man, fairly literally. Goddess’ Own County.
8. We’ll expand our LGBT safe-zone
— Gendered Subjects (@SubjectGender) July 19, 2015
Aside from the odd bit of chronic flooding, Hebden Bridge has been a pretty safe haven to Britain’s lesbian community. It can be dead difficult being gay abroad, so a Yorkshire capital could intentionally try to bring in the best and brightest of the world’s LGBT community to the county.
9. We can get the national day sorted
There’s been talk of this for a while, a British National Day. Of course, we already have the Saint’s days, with Armistice Day and Remembrance Sunday doing a pretty good job too. However, once we’re in charge we can sort out a proper national day. August 1st will do. (This just so happens to also be Yorkshire day. Don’t tell Lancashire).
10. Corgi replacement service
What is a Corgi and why? Unless it’s approving the standard of my plumber I don’t want it in my life. We could finally get the monarch, our head of state, a proper dog. Whippets are the Ferrari’s of the canine world after all.
11. We could properly address this High-Speed Rail business
I'm giving the green light to infrastructure projects across the UK – including HS3 and Crossrail 2 + more cash for flood defences
— George Osborne (@George_Osborne) March 16, 2016
Corbyn right about HS2 we don't need it we need HS3.http://t.co/tvQHfXnDln
— Nick Brown (@NickBrownAuthor) August 5, 2015
All this high-speed rail chatter could be improved with a bit of common Yorkshire sense. As dubious a benefit of getting to Manchester slightly quicker is, surely getting around the North is more important than getting the North to the South?
12. We could solve the English national anthem issue too
England doesn’t seem to actually have a national anthem. Aside from using The UK’s at sporting events, we need to find a real alternative. Land of Hope and Glory, or most probably Jerusalem are front runners, but we’ve our own, erm…classic, which we could always use. If you like…
13. King in the north?
We’ve not had our own royal family since the Viking days. So, once we’re capital, it would be fitting to reinstate one. (Was this just an excuse to get a Game of Thrones reference in? Yes. Yes it was).
13. We could have a happy capital for once
— TAB (@The_Ad_Bureau) December 19, 2015
Londoners aren’t happy. It’s not their fault, as such, they just happen to live in the wrong capital. Once Leeds is at the heart of things they can commute in from the happiest place in The UK. Sorted.
14. We could have a proper culture minister
Fancy a culture minister that actually know’s anything about culture? With Leeds as the countries political heartland, you know it would make sense. (Julian Barrett came a close second).
15. State visits would be slightly more epic
Credit: Wikimedia Commons
Regardless of all the politics, I’d rather see the president and co in Millennium Square than Leicester Square, or up Otley Chevin, whichever.
16. We could move Eastenders up here
— sabrina♡ (@TeamJessieW__) December 4, 2014
Oh hell yes. I don’t care what anybody says, Seacroft, Gipton and Temple Newsam are a happier, or at least less-shouty, than Albert Square. Kat and Alfie would have loved it in Yorkshire, even Hull, for sure.
17. The beer would be better
Forget drinking in Parliament’s subsidised bars for £3 a pint, when the beer is £3 a pint in most of Leeds (outside of Call Lane of course). As capital, it’d be our duty to spread the our ale to the masses.
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Main image by David Pacey / Flickr / CC