The world of online dating can be a minefield at the best of times and Tinder is perhaps the trickiest of all.
Swiping in Glasgow has its highs and its lows, and there are some things that you need to know.
Fear not, we’re the ones who are going to tell you.
1. This isn’t Edinburgh…
The difference between Edinburgh and Glasgow tinder is crazy, only 60 miles and it goes from avid coffee drinker to take lines off my arse
— James (@MonsMegHead) February 19, 2016
His words, not ours.
2. You will at the very least have some mutual friends
Or at worst, family members.
Glasgow is small. So be careful. If you don’t know them personally, then you WILL know their sister/brother/best friend/work colleague (delete as appropriate).
3. Be prepared to sift through a lot of ‘hairys’
This isn’t exclusive to Glasgow of course. But it is inevitable. (For clarification of what this means, check out: The best Glaswegian insults and compliments).
4. You’ll probably get pretty good at table tennis
Hillhead Bookclub is a classic Tinder date location. And what better way to break the ice than with a game of ping pong and some £3 cocktails.
5. You’ll start to recognise people everywhere
Nope, you don’t actually know them, you just recognise them from their picture posing with a tiger on their profile.
6. You’ll bump into people you’ve ‘tindered’ with on a weekly basis
Glasgow is a small place. This will happen.
7. And, it’s totally acceptable to ignore them
Ignore or hide. DO what you gotta do.
Let’s face it, nobody wants that awkward encounter. It’s for the greater good.
8. Do NOT use a group picture of you posing in Bamboo
If you actually want to get any matches, this should be avoided at all costs.
9. There’s more to life than burgers
It’s hard to believe when you look at that glorious Bread Meats Bread creation but it’s true. Glasgow is currently awash with burger joints popping up left, right and centre but try and be a bit more creative with your date choices. And a bit less messy…
10. Date during the week
There are some brilliant weeknight deals to be had in Glasgow city centre. Why pay full price when you get two steaks and a bottle of wine for £30 at The Butchershop? Exactly.
11. If a naked torso and/or a bottle of tonic wine features in a profile picture
Swipe left. You’re not that desperate yet. Come on.
12. Be prepared for Scottish themed Tinder Nightmare chat up lines
13. Take some time out
Tinder can get pretty addictive. Sometimes, it’s wise to take some time out from swiping and go for a stroll round Kelvingrove Park. Who knows, you might actually meet the love of your life there…
16. If you aren’t single, just don’t…
We’re all nosey but it’s just not worth it. You WILL see someone your boyfriend/girlfriend knows.
14. There will be dry spells
For the biggest city in Scotland, this happens more often than you would think. You will run out of potential matches, and you will see the same people again and again.
15. Whatever you do, make sure you do not end up on the Glasgow’s Tinder Fannies page
Absolutely howling at the victims of 'Glasgow's tinder Fannies' Facebook page 😂
— Victoria McLean (@VictoriaMcLean_) April 11, 2016
Once you make it on to this Facebook group, you are done for.
Liked this? Try these:
Main image: Flickr / CC / Pearls are a Nuisance