If James Bond went fully Northern

We don’t mean to cause alarm, but there’s been another name thrown in as a potential next Bond – and he may have a regional accent.

With it all but confirmed that Daniel Craig is set to wave goodbye to the franchise, there are a number of names in the running to be the next 007.

It’s already a pretty long short-list, with Tom Hiddleston, Idris Elba, Tom Hardy and even Gillian Anderson throwing her name into the hat.

But the latest rumours have seen young Jamie Bell mentioned as the next potential Bond, with the actor apparently ‘in talks’ with the franchise producers.

Bell was born in the Teesside town of Billingham and shot to fame as the North-East ballet boy in Billy Elliott. In short, he’s a proper Northerner and could be the second consecutive ‘Northern Bond’, with Craig himself hailing from Chester.

Surely this means it’s about time that Bond dropped his Royal Pronunciation and started to reflected his new heritage?

Here’s eights things we want to see from this new Northern instalment of 007.

A change in the drinks order

Pints of Bitter

CC / Flickr / Simon Frost

“Pint of bitter, love. Frothy, not cold.”

A lack of jackets

Daniel Craig James Bond

Northerners are known for their ability to withstand even the harshest of elements, so no more dinner jackets and elaborate coats. Bond should be ready to parachute into Russia in nothing but a tight t-shirt.

A theme tune by Jimmy Nail

The ‘Crocodile Shoes’ singer has been cruelly overlooked in recent years, with two consecutive Londoners (Adele and Sam Smith) having a crack in the latest two outings. It’s time to add a Geordie lilt over those sexy brass notes.

Vic and Bob as rogue agents

“Bond, with your face like a crumbling chimney.”

Gadgets specific to transporting gravy

Chips and Gravy

CC / Flickr / Crispin Semmens

We wouldn’t have to worry about this new Northern Bond being at risk of poisoning. He’ll have had the secret service working on a watch with in-built Bistro granules to make sure all his meals are given a healthy brown finish.

Refusal to work weekends when his team is playing

Manchester Heaven Football Fans

CC / Flickr / Paul

“You want me to head off to the Amazon rainforest when United are in the cup final!? Can’t it wait?”

Less skiing

Roger Moore James Bond

We’re not saying Northerners can’t ski, but it’s more of a soft Southern shandy kind of sport really, isn’t it? Can we not see a chase scene taking place on a bowls green instead?

Better one-liners

Bond throws his German adversary off the edge of a building and into the streets below. The camera looks up from below and he quips:

“Auf Wiedersehen, pet”



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Main image: Getty